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Friday, January 4, 2013

Dungeon Raid, Part 6: The Boss

Taciturn Female Healer
At last, we meet the Dungeon Boss! I hope it'll be a good fight!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Hey, you aren't Brawny Stone-Axed Brute!!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Sorry to disappoint you, honey, but Brawny Stone-Axed Brute has taken the day off. I'll be your Dungeon Boss for today.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
But the signboard in front said that the Dungeon Boss is Brawny Stone-Axed Brute!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Oh dear, someone forgot to update the signboard again.

***

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Oh no, the Boss is a female! She's going to go aggro all over me!!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Honey, I'll attack as I see fit.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Huh, why not!? You're female, right?

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Don't flatter yourself, honey. Your beauty won't drive me into a single-minded rage for I have a greater Charisma score than you. Barely.

***

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Okay, it's four of us against one Boss, we can do this!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Have you taken into consideration that Battlefield Treasure Chest?

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
We'll just loot the goodies after we win!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Honey, it's a Battlefield Treasure Chest, it can only be looted during the battle.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Okay, this is an unexpected stumbling block.

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
And thus is our party to be divided by the presence of a Battlefield Treasure Chest perched on a ledge on one end with the Dungeon Boss, Lithe Silverbow Naga, awaiting us at the edge opposing!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
That's assuming that the chest has something of value. Remember all that less than precious stuff we've looted so far.

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Honey, according to The Rules, a Battlefield Treasure Chest must contain something of value.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Alas, our poor party is to be divided by the appearance of a Battlefield Treasure Chest! Ugh, formal speech. You guys have infected me!

***

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Couldn't we go after the treasure as a group?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Lithe Silverbow Naga's primary weapon appears to be a longbow of some sort. She'll snipe at us if we were to move towards the Battlefield Treasure Chest.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
I guess you guys should handle her while I go after the treasure. I'm the fastest after all.

Typical Bespectacled Mage
I agree. You certainly have a lot of practice in that department.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
What was that?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Nothing.

***

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Enough talk, let's put our plan into action!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
With my companions, Typical Bespectacled Mage and Taciturn Female Healer, I shall charge the Dungeon Boss Lithe Silverbow Naga!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
And I'll go after the beautiful treasure!

Taciturn Female Healer
We charge!

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Come forth my minions!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Wait, she wasn't alone!?

***

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Confound it, Lithe Silverbow Naga has high Magic Defense! Though I'm still getting Experience Points for attacking her. Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace, haven't you looted the chest yet?

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
It's on a ledge at the edge of the map, and someone laid traps all around it! And quit sniping at me, Ms Dungeon Boss. Didn't you say you won't attack me!?

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Honey, I said I'll attack as I see fit.

***

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Lithe Silverbow Naga is resistant to my spells. Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman and Taciturn Female Healer are engaged with a mass of Common Poisonous Snakes...

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Pardon me, but did you mention that these are Common Poisonous Snakes? To your knowledge, what is the possibility that these Common Poisonous Snakes are poisonous?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
I'd say definitely so.

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Woe is me! The agony brought about by the venom of the Common Poisonous Snakes do indeed drain my supply of Healing Potions and thus must I request aid from Typical Bespectacled Mage!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
At least the Common Poisonous Snakes are not resistant to magic. Taciturn Female Healer, do you need spell-support?

Taciturn Female Healer
Slash, hack, WHEE!!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
I guess not.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Will someone just do something about that irritating sniper!? Ow, another trap!

***

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Finally, I'm on the ledge! With the Battlefield Treasure Chest! And the Mega-Explosive Trap that I failed to notice earlier! Oh oh...

***

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace is Out!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Am I to believe my ears that our Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace had met her doom in a common trap?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
No, she survived the explosion from the trap.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
And that trap wasn't 'common'!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
It was an arrow from Lithe Silverbow Naga that did her in.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
That's why I said to do something about her! I hate everyone!!!

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
We have vanquished enough Common Poisonous Snakes to clear a path to Lithe Silverbow Naga! Taciturn Female Healer, we must charge the Dungeon Boss before she brings her lethal bow to bear!

Taciturn Female Healer
Okay!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Meanwhile, Typical Bespectacled Mage, I would appreciate your assistance greatly in keeping the remnants of the Common Poisonous Snakes away from Taciturn Female Healer and I!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Uh, me on my own against a swarm of little melee units?

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Beware, Taciturn Female Healer, for we know not what cunning tricks Lithe Silverbow Naga may conceal until she sets them upon us when we enter into direct combat with her!

Taciturn Female Healer
Er, could one of those tricks possibly be slithering away from us at top speed?

***

Taciturn Female Healer
It was a good idea to split up so we could trap Lithe Silverbow Naga! Now we've entered into melee combat with her!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Is my prowess truly superior that this fight is easier than imagined?

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Ugh. Don't flatter yourself, darling. I excel at range, not melee.

***

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Would my fellow party members mind stepping up their efforts with their easy fight? I'm being chased by the Common Poisonous Snakes!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Now you know how I feel most of the time!

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
At last, victory is at hand! With this final blow I shall declare victory over-

Lithe Silverbow Naga
Round end. Sorry, darling.

***


Part 5: The Interim
Part 7: The Boss, Round 2


Adventures of Heroes Who Talk Too Much

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