Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Attack of the Troop of Goblin Raiders, Part 3: The Battle, Round 2

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Gather around fellow heroes and listen to my plan! Taciturn Female Healer and Typical Bespectacled Mage will clear the path of Goblins so that I may confront the Goblin Warlord who is their leader.

Taciturn Female Healer
Simple enough.

Typical Bespectacled Mage
I shall do as you say.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
And I'll provide fire support?

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
You, Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace, shall be keeping all the females of the Troop of Goblin Raiders engaged!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
What!? How!?

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
All the females in the Troop of Goblin Raiders shall be coming after you, Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace, like a pack of wolves after a prey. Typical Bespectacled Mage, that is still the plan of the Troop of Goblin Raiders, is it not?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
Yes, it certainly is.

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
How do you know that!?

Typical Bespectacled Mage
I casted a Listen spell that let's me listen in on the Troop of Goblin Raiders where they are gathering to listen to Goblin Warlord's plans. Goblin Warlord will send all Female Goblin Stabbers and all Female Goblin Archers after Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace in order to maintain morale.

Goblin Warlord
Hey, Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman! Can we start the next Round yet!?

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Let it begin, Goblin Warlord!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
Ah, wait!

Goblin Warlord
All Female Goblin Stabbers and all Female Goblin Archers, after Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace!

Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace
MUMMY~!!!

***

Taciturn Female Healer
Wow, Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace can really run!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
I agree with your assessment!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
You still have one Case of Healing Potions left, right?

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
I certainly still have one Case of Healing Potions!

Typical Bespectacled Mage
You could have given a few Bottles of Healing Potion from that case to Gorgeous Lady Archer of Epic Grace since she is now attracting lots of aggro.

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
I dearly wish you had made that excellent suggestion a little earlier.

Taciturn Female Healer
Hey, hey, we should beat up the Goblins while they are watching their females run before they attack us while we are watching our female run!!

***

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Goblin Warlord! You shall now face Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman!

Goblin Warlord
Come, Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman! The Ubiquitous Backwater Village cannot have paid you enough to meet your doom!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
I have equipped my party with the best of equipment 200 gold pieces can afford! And I have spent 100 gold pieces to provide food and lodgings for a whole week to improve morale! In the end, I shall still have a profit of 200 gold pieces to distribute to my party!

Goblin Warlord
What, 100 gold pieces on food and lodgings? Really? You should come visit our Goblin Village Across The Meadow. Lodgings are of fair quality and the cost for a party of four shouldn't be more than 20 gold pieces. However, I can't say much about the food.

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
There is but one inn in Ubiquitous Backwater Village and their prices are decidedly cutthroat! I suppose I shall save 50 gold pieces if we lodge in the inn you have described and then walk over to Ubiquitous Backwater Village for dinner.

Perhaps Goblin Warlord would like to share how much was spent on his troops?

Goblin Warlord
Oh, I spent 600 gold pieces on Goblin Stabbers - half of them male, half of them female. Equal opportunities, mind you. I also paid 750 gold pieces on Goblin Archers. Again 50-50 male-female ratio.

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
Ubiquitous Backwater Village at its present state of development may only generate 1000 gold pieces a week. And their coffers are less the amount they have paid us in advance. You, sir, are running at a lost.

Goblin Warlord
Ah, but I plan on occupying the village and collecting the gold generated each week. That would make me a profit in the long run!

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
That is indeed profitable. However, in order to do as you say, you would need to maintain a guard on the village.

Goblin Warlord
Which I plan to do with the survivors of this battle.

Cliched Spikey-Haired Swordsman
At the rate that the battle is progressing, shall I point out that Taciturn Female Healer and Typical Bespectacled Mage appear to be on the verge of dispatching all your males. You will not have enough to hold the village for long with only the females!

Goblin Warlord
By the Toe-bones of the Greater Flame Gargoyle, you're right! Sound the retreat!

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